A friend of mine has a trophy wife. But from the looks of her, it wasn’t first place

~ Steven Wright

According to the alimony payments I send out every month, trophy wives are definitely a lot more fun in theory than they are in practice.  According to the AdWords bill you pay every month, trophy keywords are probably a lot more profitable in theory than they are in practice.

Can I go further with this ridiculous analogy?  Yes I can.

Trump* This guy knows what I’m talking about

Trophy wives are expensive.  Although they typically don’t eat much, every other aspect of their day-to-day lives requires a fair amount of liquid capital because keeping up one’s appearance ain’t cheap, believe me (I also happen to be gorgeous).  Trophy wives are also subject to stiff competition, and because they don’t come standard with a finely tuned moral compass you risk losing your beloved to the guy with a bigger offshore bank account and roomier helicopter.

Trophy wives are, however, a practical and pragmatic way to flaunt your wealth and power.  Unlike traditional ways of broadcasting your financial success like wearing a monocle and foreclosing on orphanages Christmas Eve night, Trophy Wives inspire instant and palpable jealousy from infants to the elderly.

Heff and Girls*Ladies love a man in a boat captain hat

Now, Trophy Keywords also happen to be expensive.  VERY expensive.  They, too, require a significant amount of liquid capital and are subject to the very stiffest of high-class competition.  Depending on the industry you’re in you could be spending the equivalent of the GDP of Kyrgyzstan on keywords that impress your cummerbund wearing friends and drive a ton of traffic to your site, but do they convert?


Spending your hard earned capital on overpriced, overly competitive keywords for rankings sake is like marrying a semi-literate beauty queen 40 years your junior because “you’re in love” – no one has the heart to tell you that it’s a terrible idea and that you’re ruining your life, but it is and you are.

Anna Nicole Smith *Exhibit A

Don’t let your pride get in the way of your long term success.  I’m not saying that you should marry the girl with that walked away with the Participation Ribbon, but your goal should be substance over style and conversions over traffic.

“Dresses”, for example, is a highly competitive and expensive keyword.  “Size 2 lycra miniskirts”, on the other hand, is going to drive less traffic volume but more qualified traffic and thus, more conversions.  And who knows, with a key word phrase you might just find your next ex-wife poking around your website.

This message brought to you by “America’s Sweetheart” Eric Ryan